Homemaking in a Time of "Hot Mess Mom"
Homemaking is a term with a lot of weight attached. Depending on who you ask you will receive different answers as to what homemaking is, and whose job it is to do the homemaking. Homemaking is simply taking care of one's home through cooking, cleaning, teaching, etc. There is an uprising of memes in social media embracing the image of a frantic, stressed, mother. These memes embrace moms that are constantly making excuses for a dirty house, being unorganized, stressed, and being a "hot mess mom." Our culture is constantly at odds with the Biblical view of homemaking, and the feminist view of homemaking. Is it acceptable for a Christian to be a "hot mess mom"?
The phrase "hot mess mom" has been around social media for a while. It is a phrase for women glorifying being an unorganized, crazy, forgetful, messy mom. Picture a mom with messy hair, screaming kids, a dirty house, a messy van, frustrated and not caring. Please don't stop reading! We have all had moments like this. The phrase "hot mess mom" goes deeper than just how we look. It is about embracing the chaos and accepting it as the norm. Do the moments of frustrations and busyness, overload become so normal that we are content with the stress? Should we just accept that this is how life will always be, as a "hot mess mom?" No! We as Christian moms should NOT accept that life will be that of a "hot mess mom."
There are many times, when I have messy hair, screaming kids, a dirty van, am frustrated, and look worn down, but am I promoting that life? Am I making excuses and joking about these times, or am I working to change? I do care that my hair is a mess and my kids are screaming. But I care for reasons that are opposite the world, not because of what other people will think, but because of what my God will think. God did not make us "hot mess moms". He made us be women of strength, wisdom, and beauty. Let's look at what the Bible says about homemakers.
1 Corinthians 14:40
"But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way."
Let's start with the idea that a mother is always running around frantically like a chicken with her head cut off. This is an image of complete chaos. The chicken has no idea where it is going, it has no head! It should not surprise us when non-Christians run around without direction, but as Christian we have direction. Let's get deeper into this passage from 1 Corinthians. I am not a fan of just picking and choosing (proof-texting) scripture to meet our needs, so let's dive a bit deeper into this text and see what the context is and how it applies to us as homemakers.
In 1 Corinthians 14, Paul is addressing the church of Corinth about speaking in tongues. In verse 26, Paul begins speaking about good practices in worship and how corporate worship should be conducted. Paul's focus here is corporate worship. Do these principles for the gathered family of God in worship apply and extend to our households?
We can look at this text from Paul and examine the principle of doing things in order in light of God's character. God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. He did not create the world in utter chaos but in order. Continuing through scripture we can read about the building of the Ark, the building of the Temple, burnt offerings the Israelites made, how the Israelites were to treat women after birth, etc. We see all through the Old Testament that our God is a God of order. The order then isn't just a random goal or sentimental expression of Paul to the Corinthian church. Order is commendable in all sorts of scenarios including worship and extending to home life.
Free from Cultural Pressure
As moms, embracing this culture of unorganized, frantic, chaos is not what God has intended. As Christians we are free from our cultural pressure of being a hot mess mom God has made us in an orderly fashion, God has freed us from the chaos of sin through the gift of faith in Christ. We do not need to chain ourselves to the cultural pressures of identifying ourselves as "hot mess moms." Our Father is one of order. If we are to grow in Christ and become more like him, shouldn't we pursue a life of orderliness? Let's jump and see what the Old Testament has to say.
Proverbs 14:1
"The wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
Ahh, the Books of Proverbs, so many wonderful sayings to live by. A wise woman is one who in Biblical times was a woman who knew practical skills and understanding to live a successful life. Hmm.. this doesn't sound like a hot mess mom to me. The wise woman builds her house with orderly discipline and tears her house down with chaos and a "letting it slide" attitude. A wise woman builds her house, working at home with her hands. This might look like cleaning, tending a garden, sewing, grocery shopping, homeschooling, praying, supporting her spouse and so many other things. Women who are wise in the Lord build up their homes. They strive for growth and to become an expert in the role God has placed them in. They are not promoting a crazy stressful life, they are building up a home that will last.
Philippians 2:3-4
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
This is not a verse you would typically see associated with homemaking or women but it should be. Isn't this verse the direct opposite attitude of a "hot mess mom?" The "hot mess mom" perpetuates this "look at me" attitude and generally seeks victimization because they are a mom. Philippians says we are to do nothing out of selfish ambition but rather in humility value others above ourselves. God has made his people for much more than selfish living, that includes our home relationships, marital relationships, church and work relationships, etc. This is one of the things ALL Christians are called to, and that includes moms and wives.
This verse doesn't mean that we can't take care of ourselves. There is a division between taking care of ourselves, and idolizing our time and wants. A "hot mess mom" is about prioritizing yourself over the needs of your family and your house. These moms never have enough time for themselves and they are so busy they don't have time to care for themselves, care for their homes, and to train their children. That is a difference between being a mom following Christ and prioritizing the gifts that God has given her. Moms need a break too, but much like in homeschool, we get a break when our prioritized work is finished. Does this mean everything needs to be cleaned before moms break? Nope. But it does mean there are set times to have a break, and time alone after the most important tasks are done for that day.
Living like Christ means pleasing God as the top priority, he's the one we are looking to please. To look to the interests of our husbands and our children that God has given to us. As we love those around us, we are loving God. There can be no hot mess mom culture for those who are in Christ. Christ is the opposite of the hot mess mom. He teaches us to be calm, to be humble, to rest in him, be orderly and loving.